Why I am So Bitchy

Hours of psychoanalysis be damned! Here's the real reason why I am slightly perpetually unhinged:

South Beach Diet Crunchy Snack Ideas

Do you miss the sensation of biting into a crunchy snack? Are reduced-fat cheese sticks and nonfat or low-fat yogurt not getting the job done? Good news: Nuts are not your only crunchy snack option. Here are a few more healthy choices to fulfill your need for a crispy crunch.

Phase 1:

Veggie sticks, including celery, green peppers, cauliflower buds, broccoli florets, and asparagus spears (unlimited)

Dill pickles, no-sugar added (unlimited — unless you're watching your sodium intake)

Edamame (1 serving = 1/4 cup)

Roasted chickpeas (1 serving = 1/3 to 1/2 cup)

Sunflower seeds (1 serving = 3 tablespoons or 1 ounce

Phase 2:

Carrot sticks

Whole-wheat crackers (Wasa or reduced-fat Triscuits — refer to label for serving size)

This, clearly is the reason why I am always on edge. No peanut butter cheese crackers, no Funyons, no Pringles, not even a [bleep]ing Saltine. I get dried up green crunchy balls, unlimited pickles (so far), 17 sunflower seeds or a [bleep]ing Triscuit.

Maybe I need to join some self-help food group? Hi, my name is Rob and I'm a crunchy snacker.

One second thought, who needs twelve steps?

I just need one - and it's a step up the curb at the Quik-Trip for some real [bleep]ing snacks.