Blog, Interrupted

Hey, kids!

Hope this finds ya doing well!

I was on TV last night, apparently. Some story about gay drama in St. Louis. I dunno - I was out chasing some tail. I'd rather live my gay drama than watch it play out on a screen.

You see, I've decided to adopt the same strategy for this blog that I've implemented in my psychological and sexual lives, and that’s the practice of restraint.

Or should that be - with restraints?

Kidding!

Kinda.

Maybe.

No.

The reality is that it's PrideFest Week here in St. Louis and things are INSANE at work right now. That's pretty much all I can say about it. Blogging from work is one thing - blogging about work is quite another. People get fired for that shit and I do enjoy my job. Free tickets to quality parties and occasional televised appearances make me downright giddy and happy to be...frankly...me.

But it’s not all rainbows and ruby slippers. How I wish! I sometimes wonder if I made a huge mistake when I wed my life to this blog two years ago. I’ve been considering a divorce. A trial separation? I feel beholden to this damn thing and it’s getting a little too Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? lately.

Oh, who am I kidding? I just need a break -- some time to dry out and shape up.

I’m such a fucking drama queen and I'll be back sometime in July after Independence Day.

To give you an idea of what I’m doing in the interim, here goes:
There's bikes to ride.
There’s books to read .
There’s Dorothys Parker/Gail/Zbornak gatherings to plot.
There’s farms to visit.
There’s freelance projects to design.
There’s glad-handing gays all weekend.
There’s gossiping with Mom.
There’s ice cold watermelon to eat.
There’s men to kiss.
There’s musicals to write. YES! I’ve been asked to write some zippy dialogue and back-story!
There's rooms to decorate.
There’s sparklers to light.
There’s time to spend with people I love.
There's slumber parties to attend.

There’s things to do besides blog, basically.

It’s called living.

And I am not good at multi-tasking.

And this blog is a distraction, and while I’m prone to grandiose detraction – I always post a quick retraction. See...rhymes, again. I’m not well, kids...not well at all.

Lines from Wicked keep floating through my noggin, because as a drama queen, there’s always music in my head when I write this shit. Blame it on Carrie **bleeping** Bradshaw and a fondness for show tunes.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...
I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

So off I scoot on my broomstick.

Halfway through writing these kind of posts, I always consult my horoscope to see if what I’m feeling is what’s predicted – and once again it’s decidedly accurate.

There's an old saying that insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different result every time. Is there anything in your life that continually doesn't come up the way it should, and yet you keep going through the same motions? It's nice to live in hope, but at this point you may need to examine some of the deeper motivations behind your actions. In that way, you can change them.

Everyday I wake up to a big gaping maw of insecurity and fear and this morning was no different until I decided that rather than running from it – I was going to take a risk and leap in.

Sink or swim.

Fly or fall.

I dunno.

I’m sure to write about it and if you want to read it, you’ll have to buy the book.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated.

Happy Pride.

Happy Fourth of July.

Happy Life!

--Rob Thurman