Life on Mars

Driving home tonight from Star Wars - Episode Whatever, I got a little misty eyed. To counterbalance the sentimentality of the moment, I was also internally grousing about Amidala and Anakin, chain smoking and trying to mentally compose this post. And for those of you who haven’t seen the movie, there’s no spoilers here, per se. There is, however, vapid fashion commentary and a Facts of Life allusion.

Let’s start with the future Darth Vader. Anakin Skywalker really fucked everything up for himself, his wife, his kids, democracy, the universe, dreamy Ewan McGregor (I mean Obi Wan) and especially Yoda. Trouble is, he wasn’t really all that likable as the wunderkind and even when he grew up into a young man with really great pecs, his mealy-mouthed behavior didn’t quite match what we’d expect from “the one” who was supposed to bring order to the Force.

I dunno if it’s George Lucas’ writing that makes Anakin fall short for me or if Hayden Christensen didn’t have the chops to pull off the role. The moment came in the film when Anakin made the choice that we all knew he was gonna make and…um…that’s it? What a let down!

Listen, I know I can go on and on about how getting an extra shot of carb-free Orange Fanta at Quik-Trip reminds me of a cute boy and I’ll blubber and blather on about it…but you’re not paying for this shit. I shelled out $12 for a ticket and a Diet Coke – I wanted some REAL drama, honey.

Instead, it was kinda like, oh…whoops…guess I’m all evil and dark and am now your liege, Oh Great Master of Darkness. The characters on 7th fucking Heaven have more complex emotional journeys. Tootie had a bigger emotional journey giving up her roller skates and that was done off camera!

Amidala is on my shit list, too. With the exception of the one scene where she has great hair and then confesses that’s she’s knocked up – she spends the rest of the movie all doe-eyed with all this curly weave that looks like it just taken out of the Silky-Jumbo bag and pinned on her head. Her negligee – tired! Even her space girl maternity outfit was boring. What happened to the head pieces, Queen? You saved your fucking planet at age 14 and had five costume changes while doing it and you’re about to give birth to Carrie Fisher and you can’t even really jazz it up once?

Speaking of Leia and Luke, for that matter, I started considering how much I liked them as characters and how little I cared for Anakin and Amidala. Princess Leia was a freedom fighter, a smart ass and an off-camera pill popper. Luke was stuck on some dead-end desert farm and wanted to fly spaceships. I understood where they were from on so many levels. Even at age seven.

Despite the very lame, tired and uninspired actions of their parents, these kids rocked. They took out Jabba the Hut, got busy with Han Solo (at least Leia did, although one does wonder about Luke) and saved the universe three times. Yay! Heroes! Something to believe in.

Their parents, on the other hand, started out strong, or at least with great potential and made a slow steady, slide into darkness and death. Maybe that’s the point? Children redeem the mistakes of their parents? Parents want their kids to have better lives, even when one’s been a queen and the other one is reportedly one?

When I start thinking about my folks, I can’t help but get a little verklempt. I’ve had my own little moments of sliding into darkness and I fundamentally know that’s not what my mom wants for me or what my father would have wanted for me. When I was chatting with her recently over being sad my mom told me, “Robbie – your days are numbered, anyway. Don’t spend them sad.” That’s Southern for seize the day in case you don’t understand.

As for understanding, George Lucas did wrap it all up for me tonight: Power corrupts. Loving someone isn’t always about getting what you want. Selflessness and thinking of others is a nobler cause. The dark side will lead to a lot of pain. And Ewan McGregor is the dreamiest boy ever!

Oh. And why I got all misty-eyed?

I was wishing that I had Jedi superpowers so I could make my dad materialize as I zipped down the highway alone.

Wondering what he’d tell me about life in the stars.