June 22, 2004
Return of the Mean Reds...
Today’s mood is decidedly volatile.
No. That’s wrong.
I’ll start over.
Today’s mood is slightly peeved with a twinge of frustration and bitterness.
No…no…..maybe not that either.
Melancholy, but not hopeless...
Surly, yet overly-animated….
Cruel, still decidedly vulnerable……
Clearly the mood is not good.
I wish I knew what triggers these bouts of the Mean Reds. When imbalance between work, men, money and life occurs, I throw my hands up to all four issues. I’m crazy stressed, terribly confused, tragically broke and not dealing with it all very well. And while these issues interest me very much on any given day -- today, I want to say phooey to them all and find some other distraction.
Cleaning the house is an idea. But I think it’ll remain in the conceptual realm for a while.
By all accounts, everything should be swell today -- I rode my bike, ate well, got plenty of sleep, got a lot of work done, was asked out on a date……but happiness eludes me. Hell, I’d settle for just plain-ole content.
Uncertainty and this elusive malaise greeted me first thing this morning and perched right over my earlobes, tucked somewhere in the back of my head and has pestered me all day long.
And I’m really unclear what to do about it.
That’s the super lousy, suckiest thing about it all.