June 2004 Archives
June 24, 2004
June 22, 2004
Today’s mood is decidedly volatile.
No. That’s wrong.
I’ll start over.
Today’s mood is slightly peeved with a twinge of frustration and bitterness.
No…no…..maybe not that either.
Melancholy, but not hopeless...
Surly, yet overly-animated….
Cruel, still decidedly vulnerable……
Clearly the mood is not good.
I wish I knew what triggers these bouts of the Mean Reds. When imbalance between work, men, money and life occurs, I throw my hands up to all four issues. I’m crazy stressed, terribly confused, tragically broke and not dealing with it all very well. And while these issues interest me very much on any given day -- today, I want to say phooey to them all and find some other distraction.
Cleaning the house is an idea. But I think it’ll remain in the conceptual realm for a while.
By all accounts, everything should be swell today -- I rode my bike, ate well, got plenty of sleep, got a lot of work done, was asked out on a date……but happiness eludes me. Hell, I’d settle for just plain-ole content.
Uncertainty and this elusive malaise greeted me first thing this morning and perched right over my earlobes, tucked somewhere in the back of my head and has pestered me all day long.
And I’m really unclear what to do about it.
That’s the super lousy, suckiest thing about it all.
June 21, 2004
This past weekend, I went to Kansas City. I had an amazing time - folks were so kind - and it was great visiting Dietrich.
My Super Lame Photo Essay
|Where I Stayed....|
|The RiverMarket has been rehabbed, flowers abound...|
|as does kindness, apparently.|
|I can find three things in K.C.: Stroud's Fried Chicken, a coffee shop...|
|and a nightclub where super foxy girls kicked my ass with their dance moves!|
|Cute couples abounded!|
|As did super-saucy ladies...|
|Oh yeah, there were some muscle boys|
|and some kiddos who just turned 21.|
|so....fun times for all!|
June 15, 2004
Sitting here tonight eating my Celebrity luncheon meat (with $3.83 in the bank until my paycheck clears - it looked pretty darn good), I started down memory lane and strolled into the years around first grade.
First grade was when I started gaining weight. I don’t remember gaining the weight (my mother blames it on the 30+ snow days when I sat home and did nothing but eat and watch TV) but I do remember that the other kids fundamentally annoyed me. More than half of them did not know their alphabet, their silly games were of no interest and they were crass. I just didn’t seem to fit in with them. I read Madeline books and drew Wonder Woman cartoons when I completed my work early.
There was a girl in first grade, who was kinda slow and was prone to having epileptic seizures during gym or when they went around checking for head lice. She wasn’t the prettiest of girls, and I cannot say that she was sweet or even kind. She was just benign. And the other kids, while occasionally mean to me, were cruel beyond measure to Alice.
To begin with, Alice was kinda hard on the eyes and her awkward body language and lazy arm just added more gasoline to the insult fire. She looked like she was always in pain and she had no friends.
Alice had a birthday party one pretty spring Saturday. Now, I wasn’t mean to Alice, but I wasn’t particularly fond of her, either....nevertheless, when she passed out Birthday party invitations to everyone in the class, I accepted with glee. It rings as true then as it does now -- any chance to get out of the house and party on a Saturday, I’m there.
She invited all the kids in the class (there were 40 of us spread out among two first grades) and I remember going to the Ben Franklin that day and picking out her Barbie. I remember wrapping the present, signing the card and pulling up in front of her house where 5 picnic tables sat outside, covered in pink and white tablecloths – white party streamers floating in the breeze. Cake. Punch. Homemade ice cream. Matching plates and napkins. Pretty.
Steve Doom was there. He was a nice kid. Pharmacists son. And the only other person there besides me, Alice, her father and little sister, her mother, and our mothers. Half the class had called to say they’d be there and no one else showed.
It was set up to host at least 40 people. And 8 people sat there in awkward Southern Baptist party mode (i.e. Children smacked out on Kool-Aid, parents sober and bitter about it) until Alice’s mother said we’d better eat the ice cream, it was melting. It went from somber to funereal. Like a vigil, except with flapping crepe paper streamers. The grown ups tried to make small talk about how we all grow up so fast and while I usually tuned in to the adult conversations, I found myself staring at Alice, who was staring at me and Steve with hatred, embarrassment and gratitude all at once.
It was frankly horrible and the charade went on for maybe an hour….and then Alice’s mother asked us to leave. Alice’s knee was trembling and that was a sign she could have a seizure. And that would be just the worst thing to happy on this poor girl’s birthday. She’d been through enough today already.
Driving home, I remember talking to my mother about why people are so mean. Why didn’t people go to Alice’s party? Isn’t there some rule that you have to go to the party – even if she’s a kinda creepy looking little girl? What was going to happen to her Monday at school? Would everyone know? Do I admit that I went to the party? Or do I scandalize the classroom by letting everyone there know that no one showed up? Should I call Steve Doom and ask if he’d take an oath and we’d both deny we went there? Ya know – the usual party spy report.
Pondering all this now, I get mad for Alice. I get mad at fake lying RSVPers and unusually mean, crass people with no taste and no social skills. I get mad coz some days I feel like Alice, yet I act just as bad as the no-shows. A complicated mix of casualty and cruelty.
Eventually, though, I asked myself if Alice invited me to her party today, would I go?
If she’s not serving Celebrity Luncheon Meat, you bet!
June 14, 2004
Between the wedding, the circus, the events, the parties, the deadlines and the dating -- as well as the hail storm and the tornado that knocked out my lights for three days, the past two weeks have been a blur.
Looking at last year's calendar - I'm reminded how nutty last June was, too! I really have nothing to complain about - not at all, it's just hectic....and I start get squirrelly with this much going on. So it's time to take a breather, take a nap and take in my pants (God bless South Beach - but the clothes are getting a little too baggy!)
I have found the perfect matchmaker, though - www.lovecalculator.com - and the results are amazing! Take the test today!!!
|17%||Dr. Love thinks a relationship might work out between Anderson Cooper and Rob Thurman, but the chance is very small.||No Meeting Gloria Vanderbilt.|
|44%||The chance of a relationship working out between Nick Brendan and Rob Thurman is not very big....you'll have to spend a lot of quality time together.||His wife might mind.|
|47%||The chance of a relationship working out between Colton Ford and Rob Thurman is not very big...You must be aware of the fact that this relationship might not work out at all, no matter how much time you invest in it.||How much more do I have to "invest" in this porn star? Does this mean that I have to start selling plasma to buy his DVDs?|
|65%||Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Clive Owen and Rob Thurman has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not.||Talk about noncommittal...damn actors!|
|89%||Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between George W Bush and Rob Thurman has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship.||Oh, there'd be some work to do for sure!|
|89%||Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Tavis Smiley and Rob Thurman has a very good chance....remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.||I'd talk to Tavis anyday, anywhere ...anytime.|
|95%||Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Loretta Lynn and Rob Thurman has a very good chance of being successful.....||Well of course! Look at the hair...|
|97%||Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Camel Turkish Gold 100s and Rob Thurman has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship.||Ahhh...love forever, well until my lungs collapse.|