November 2003 Archives
November 11, 2003
Sometimes I just don’t know what to think about….well, anything.
Seems like I can just go strolling along for a few days, weeks, maybe even months…and then **whammo!** everything in my life seems out of sorts, out of whack, out of synch.
Even my horoscope sucks.
There's a fine line between unique and just plain odd and you have just crossed it....
Many people turn to God, their families, their friends, their psychiatrist, when things like this happen. I haven’t had a decent relationship with God (or let’s say higher power – since the whole God/Jesus thing gives me the heebie-jeebies) in…oh…..years…decades. My family is hundreds of miles away and even if I were there, Southerners have difficulty admitting their problems, especially to each other. Unless you’re writing a country song, or talking about someone else’s problems – we Southerners get real quiet about the things that trouble us on a fundamental level.
And as for my friends, I hate feeling like a neurotic imposition, so I just engage in mild bitching and never touch upon the real deep, dark stuff….I just keep it to myself…until it boils over….which it always does. My friends (and family) have seen me through thick (and thicker) and I feel like a nuisance when things go wrong. Mostly it’s just that I’m mad at myself. And I’m so annoyed at myself I cannot imagine that my friends and family wouldn’t be equally irritated. So I just shut them down. Cut them off.
My latest emotional turmoil is all about a fella. See….it’s like this. I met this guy and he seemed all great and stuff. And, over the period of a few months, I felt like I could trust him and blah…blah…blah…..you know the story. Granted, I had unrealistic expectations, but in retrospect, it just felt so nice having someone new to confide in. This new fella seemed like a great chance for me to revisit what I’ve done wrong in relationships in the past. I wanted to try to be better at managing unrealistic expectations and to try to avoid the pitfalls that I’d encountered before in dating gay men.
Well…clearly….no such luck.
And now, I’m just feeling stuck……unhappy and totally confused about everything. And the most annoying thing is the sense of insecurity that pervades my life. It’s such an unsettling place, because it makes me unsure about everything in my life. My job doesn’t seem nearly as exciting, my personal life seems desolate and even when I try distracting myself….I am painfully aware that I am distracting myself – so it doesn’t do much good.
Emotional pain can be so ugly, so nasty, so devastating.
And I’m absolutely stuck.
And it sucks. How would you feel about a long-term relationship with someone who actively
dislikes Morrissey and The Smiths?
So....I turn to music at times like this...and who better than our pal, Morrissey....and it seems that emotional heartbreak is worthy of polling....
How would you feel about a long-term relationship with someone who actively dislikes Morrissey and The Smiths?